Coming home for the holidays is always a little stressful. Having to travel a long distance doesn’t make it easier. I personally always want to look my best, and come home with some stories of my “successes”, so as to make it easier for the family, not to worry about my lack of proper nutrition, and lack of successes.

To add to the stress of my recent trip home, I made the mistake of inviting some friends and family to an open mic here in Arlington, VA in which I was scheduled to perform.  I signed up two weeks in advance, and I was given three minutes of stage time.  Three minutes is tough, I barely hit my stride until the third minute. But a three minute set is easily managable, unless there are a lot of rules associated that might stress you out a bit.

Let it be said that I am grateful for the oppurtunity to perform in my home town.  This was a wonderful oppurtunity to meet up with friends and family I would not have had a chance to visit with otherwise.  However, leading up to this epic 3-min set, I was inundated with emails from the promoter. Several requests to confirm my attendance, instructions on how to properly fill-out the excel spreadsheet that HAD to be submitted by the deadline or I would be bumped off the list, and pages of detailed instruction on where to, how to and when to stand, sit, or come and go.

I appreciate an organized show, but these rules and regulations sent me retreating into the fetal position.  So I did what any right thinking American would do, I became a whistle-blower.  I did this for the little people.

Click below to see the video:

Reading the Rules – HaHa at RiRa

Click Here to read the rules:

RiRa_Rules

I got a response to a job I had applied for in 2006 on Friday, and it got me thinking.  What has happened to the job search process?  Back in the old days, you checked the “Jobs” section in the paper, or you hit the bricks.  Now you’ve got: JobTracker, JobFox, JobHound, Snag-A-Job, BetterJob, and JobJob.  So with all these job sites, the employeers are overwhelmed, and the job-seekers are overwhelmed.  So the question is, where do all of the resumes and applications go that job seekers fill out day after day.  Who are THESE people that post “Help Wanted” ads?  And why won’t they call me back?  And what is a Mailer-Daemon, and why can’t I “Reply To” it.  But then I got to thinking.  Wait a second, 2006, I think I actually liked my job back then.  Why was I seeking work?  I was selling homes at the time, maybe I knew it was time for the rats to jump ship.  Or maybe this was my dream job, my ticket outta here.  My one true chance at happiness…maybe, just maybe?!?

Well I guess I blew it.  Anyway, here is the email I received:

How to write a proper cover letter.

So I got that, and naturally I replied with:

You gotta play hard ball.

And this was his response:

I guess I didn't get the job. But, he said I'm funny! So I've that going for me, which is NICE!

This week I won the “Funniest Caption Contest” on HumorQ.com.  Now I’m a modest man, but this is an amazing comedic accomplishment.  Now you may say, “Hey, Jimmy, don’t pull a muscle patting yourself on your own back there, guy!”  And to you I would say, “Hey, don’t you worry about me, I’ll worry about me.  And who the hell are you anyway, I don’t even know you!  What concern is it of YOURS  that I may be susceptible to muscle pulls while self-patting.”  Where was I…. oh yeah.  Anyway, go check out the website, and find out your HumorQ.

Here are my recent winners:

Got some fishing done today on Lady Bird Lake.  I didn’t get any hits from the bass, but I reeled in a 10″ catfish using some “Canadian” worms.

But the perfect catch today happened at Einstein Bros. Bagels.  I’ve never been accused of being “particular” but sometimes I want a particular sandwich and I want it made a particular way.  Now I’m not asking for anything crazy like imported truffle butter, or 3/4″ thick tomato slices, or my bagel sandwich be cut like a pizza.  All I want is this; a bagel(toasted), cream cheese(plain), and lox(<–that’s salmon, smoked).  Routinely the folks at Einstein will insist on adding capers, tomatoes, and onions.  I also have a hard time getting this served as a sandwich, not “closed-faced”, but as an F-ing sandwich.  First of all, there is no such thing as “closed-faced“, and more importantly why do I have to explain myself every time I order this. More often than not I’ll walk out the door with my order in the bag and several miles down the road I’ll discover that my sandwich was prepared open-faced, and each half is individually wrapped in wax paper.  Imagine driving down the road eating an open-faced lox, cream cheese, onion, tomato, and caper sandwich.  I might as well be eating oatmeal with chopsticks.  More perplexing, but altogether completely understandable, I will, instead of getting a bagel with lox and cream cheese, I will get a bagel with LOTS of cream cheese.

But today was different.  Today I ordered my sandwich, I confirmed that I wanted it “closed-faced”, and it came out perfect.  So it was a good day.  I’m only particular about get things done a particular way.